Sex is a wonderful thing - if not the most wonderful thing in the world. It gives us a little break from everyday life and we can fully immerse ourselves in blissful feelings for a few moments. Good sex brings us a little bit closer to the person with whom we spend these moments together. And it sends little shivers of happiness through us that sometimes last for quite a while and give us new strength for upcoming tasks.
But what actually makes good sex? What can we do to make it really as wonderful as in our imagination and in all those romantic movies? Because sometimes it doesn't quite work out the way we want it to. And an unsatisfying sex life can quickly become a challenge for a relationship. How can you avoid it?
We wish you those sensual moments that make you dance inside. That's why we have five steps for you that will make just that possible:
Free yourself from performance pressure and perfectionism! Good sex can be simple ...
You've probably experienced it before and maybe seen it on How i met your mother: You plan the perfect New Year's Eve for weeks in meticulous detail work - and then everything goes wrong again and the evening results between okay-ish and total disaster. The reason for this is relatively simple: Your own perfection gets in the way. The more detailed you plan something and the higher your expectations are, the greater the chance that something won't go right and you'll feel bad about it. Also, you are tense. And if you're tense, you're much more likely to make mistakes.
Free yourself from these things and rather go about things in a relaxed way - especially when it comes to sex. Your love life is not a competition, you don't need to prove anything to anyone. This is true for you with each other and also for you as a couple towards others. There are no rules for how good sex has to go. There is also no rule for how often you have sex as a happy couple. Don't compare yourselves to others, but rather do it according to yourselves. You are always allowed to do what makes you feel good. Without pressure of expectation, it usually turns out much better than you would have imagined.
Get involved in the situation - and stay spontaneous.
The first step goes hand in hand with the willingness to get involved in the situation in a completely unbiased way. Maybe you originally imagined something completely different, or something suddenly happens that you didn't expect. Is that a bad thing? On the contrary: unforeseen moments give us the opportunity to have new and often very exciting experiences - if we don't get in their way.
For example, a well-intentioned massage can suddenly turn into a hot love adventure. Or the planned weekly sex becomes just a cozy evening of cuddling, which is at least as nice in its own way. Maybe you are suddenly tired and instead of the hoped-for climax you fall asleep intimately entwined with each other. Do you really want to be annoyed about that? Or rather enjoy the fact that you are allowed to share these special moments with each other?
Maybe your sweetheart will surprise you with something new - and you will unexpectedly have the best sex of your life. Always give events a chance, get involved in the situation and stay spontaneous. As long as you don't violate your principles or harm others in the process, this is the best prerequisite for great sex.
Be open and have some courage to experiment.
Humans are creatures of habit. We tend to do things the same way over and over again, and don't change much as long as it works. This often leads to things losing their appeal over time. For sex, this form of habit is quickly a pleasure killer. That's why it's good to be a little more open and try something new.
Of course, this does not mean that you have to try a new position every day. It's enough to approach the moments of togetherness with a fresh look every now and then: instead of the familiar routine, explore the other body in a new way, vary the type of touch, maybe even use the kitchen table instead of the bed or the sofa. If you find that you're both getting a little more experimental, sex toys can also be a great addition. There are so many possibilities - and little adventures together strengthen your bond. This doesn't just apply to sex, by the way, but to many other areas of life as well.
Good sex also means talking - so talk about your thoughts, experiences and desires.
For many people, unfortunately, sex is still a taboo subject that is hardly ever talked about. But how will you know what your partner likes if you don't talk about it? Openness can be incredibly attractive here. After all, good sex is especially possible when you know your desires and what really gets the other person going. In conjunction with openness and a little experimentation, experiences open up to you that you were only allowed to dream about before. Sometimes it's just little things that make a huge difference. So talk to each other - it's worth it!
By the way, this also applies to the moments in the middle: give each other hints and show each other when something particularly excites you. This can be done with words, but also with gestures, expressive breathing or moaning. Especially men find this difficult at first - but the effect is all the more remarkable.
Create the best conditions for switching off together.
Imagine you are on a high of emotions and suddenly the phone rings. Or you change your position and suddenly the ceiling light blinds you in an extremely annoying way or the overflowing trash can gawps at you from dull eyes. To ensure you don't lose your desire due to such disturbing factors, you should create a good atmosphere in advance: with pleasant lighting (e.g. candles), atmospheric music and as little room as possible for disturbances of any kind. You know best yourself what is good for you here - so design the situation as you like it. Of course, without the aforementioned perfectionism. And for a quickie it can also go down differently. In such a way that you can get involved and enjoy each other.
The same applies to your mind: How can you have good sex if your thoughts are still on to-do lists or the upcoming exam? Take the space for each other and keep your mind as free as possible from other things. After all, you can take care of that later. Or you can wait to make love until these tasks are done.
What is important for the sex itself, you best clarify beforehand. Because if you have to discuss contraceptive issues in the middle of lovemaking or spend minutes looking for condoms, the matter is probably settled immediately or the subsequent sex will be okay at best. If you put on the right condom instead, you'll have a seamless transition from foreplay to the hot phase and can let yourself go completely. By the way, you can also take a playful approach to putting on the condom and make a joint ritual out of it. Instead of an annoying interruption, you'll heat up your desire even more. Just give it a try.